A man who was born in a chaotic and disconnected family sought and found intimacy in friends and lovers. As an adolescent he found himself falling in love often, as he searched for a life partner yearning to share as much as he did.
When he found the love of his life he felt fortunate and honored to be able to spend the remainder of his life with her. The closer they grew together the harder it was for him to clearly identify ways in which he and she were truly separate. She became his second pair of eyes and his external heart. He felt that she was the very soil from which his life grew and their shared roots stretched deep into the earth while their hearts soared up into the skies.
The day she died he almost immediately felt that he had lost half of his senses, thoughts, feelings and vision. His skin ached and was chilled by the exposure to the harsh elements her absence created. All of his senses had weakened through the many years, yet memories of her were as vibrant and clear as they were the day they occurred. Life in the “real” world now paled in comparison to his vivid memories and recollections.
Their history together was so much stronger and richer than anything he could imagine ever feeling again. With memories so rich and fulfilling why should he ever leave them? In his mind he could envision her smile, her wisdom and their shared love and intimacy, what could the present offer him?
He never intended to live a day without her, and at the end of the song he questions the sanity of even attempting to do so.
lyrics
The Day She Died 3/17/11
Even as a child I knew I wanted love
While others dreamt of power, I craved deep conversation
Chaos at home I found comfort anew
In a young womans arms lost in her fragarance
I searched many years for the spring of my delight
When I found her I was a dormant seed that sprouted in the light
Grew in her light
The years passsed on by, I shared everything
I lost my sense of space of where I ended and she began
Every night I held her my anchor and my joy
The world forever changed as we became more the same
She was a garderner in so many ways
Life thrived in her presence I did the same
Each and every day
I sit alone a phantom in the dark
I lost my skin, my eyes, my ears my heart
I have no appetite, a world empty and decayed
I want stillness let memories flood my brain
Yesterday is much more real than is today
Memories so vivid, I close my eyes to see
The missing parts of me
In her gardener's arms I was a tree
I was her tree she was my soil
Never thought I’d live a day without her
Maybe I was right
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