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about
The inspiration for the storyline of the song came from two sources. The first was this girl who I use to see on the bus on my way back from work. She always sat alone and never talked to anyone. In fact I don't even recall her ever even making eye contact with anyone.
While on the bus her head was down and her long hair hung down making it impossible to catch more than a fleeting glimpse of her alabaster impassive yet haunted face. She exited the bus in slow scurry and walked along the sidewalk in a slow stilted manner which I would observe as long as I could each day before she fell out of view.
Though I never spoke to her I sensed she was somewhat traumatized or emotionally tortured often wondering if she were a schizophrenic. The scene played out each day was almost identical to the previous one.
A couple of years later I caught the 1950 version of A Glass Menagerie on TV and within seconds of Laura's appearance on screen felt a deep connection between Jane Wyman's character and the girl from the bus. I imagined the girl from the bus as having a similar mother to Laura's in the play, and soon the entire lyric came to life.
The music itself needed to be incongruous and stilted while alternating between lilting croon and driving rock. The music also needed to be theatrical and somewhat disjointed just like the personal world of Laura (Fetus) as it collided with the world everyone else seems to live in.
The mother frantic in panic at the prospect of being saddled with a spinster daughter the rest of her life, pushed her deeper and deeper into her Glass Menagerie while also increasingly dependent on her as her only contact with the world.
In Fetus, the dependency grows and grows until the mothers cloying concern with her welfare causes her to finally break down when her mom was away. The demise of part of her menagerie of plants was too much for her to bear, causing her entire secret little plant world to come to a craving end.
When fantasy and imagination fill out the majority of one's life, the shift from refuge and safe harbor to predatory nightmare can happen very quickly.
lyrics
Fetus 12/28/1978
As she battles hard with the childhood that never ends
Spends her time tending to her chores
Watering the strange plants that make up her little den
Nothing else near her seems to grow
Watching life that comes too near you, try to escape its gaze
Feeling awkward your every movement, feeling so ashamed
The plants they avoid attention, you keep them tucked away
But when eyes, they focus on you, you wish you could do the same
Daily she punishes herself for the embarrassment she caused her mom
By being nothing and no one
No matter what she did she did it all so wrong
Feared mom’s icy smile of one that’s bearing pain
Something gave way deep inside her when her mom was away
Everyone talked of the crashing windows that shattered their day
Time had stopped for this timid flower led away by the hand
No one noticed strewn on cement, some plants were dead
Piercing fragments go speeding on
Memories like daggers plunging down
Torture the fetus that she was
Never trusting that she was more than a worthless piece of flesh
Form letter affection that she received
Fragile embraces made her feel like slime
Repulsive and repugnant lady of straw
An odor followed her thru her life that explained how nature treated her
Fetus
credits
from Ambivalence,
released January 3, 2017
Vocals Jim Guido
Keyboards Jim Guido (Kent Cantwell)
Guitar Jim Guido (Brad Foutch)
Bass Jim Guido (Bob Minikel)
Drums Ryan Thompson (Brain Massimo)
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